Showing posts with label snow day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snow day. Show all posts

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Beware the Wampa

So there you are, on Planet Hoth, enjoying a fun day of skiing behind a Rebel Snowspeeder.


Suddenly, you come across a set of unfamiliar tracks. You don't know what they're from, but you do know whatever left them was really, really big.


That, my friend, is a set of Wampa tracks. The Wampa is the alpha predator of Hoth, and not even the cold climate is a match for his ferocity. They are ill tempered, ravenous, and always on the lookout for an easy meal. That would be you, by the way. Their white fur allows them to blend into the environment perfectly, like so:


I bet you can't see him, can you?

Though they aren't very intelligent, Wampas are very patient.. They are very adept at digging in snow, and are masters of the underground ambush. They will wait like that for days, waiting for the random Tauntan or Rebel soldier to travel by. Did I mention they are indiscriminate killers? There's that too. Wampas don't care if you're a Rebel or an Imperial. They have no alliances, feel no remorse, and cannot be reasoned with.


One way to avoid Wampas is to never explore uncharted caves. Wampas love to live in caves, and there's a pretty good chance there's one hiding right around the corner in that cave you just entered. See that guy up there? He walked into the wrong cavern, and now he's about to become a meal. Don't be that guy.


Always pay attention to your surroundings when you are outside of your base. That's a fine snow droid those two gentlemen have built, but they are completely oblivious to the large, furry death machine that is about to be on top of them in the next few seconds. Yep, that was a fine snow droid indeed. It's a shame it was their last.

The most important thing to remember when you're trying to understand the mentality of the Wampa is that they love meat. You are made from meat, therefore, they love to eat you. By the time a Wampa is finished feeding, there's usually nothing left but a discarded pile of bones and a set of tracks leading off into the distance.


Just remember these simple rules, and you'll have a better chance of avoiding giant, furry death, unlike Mr. Bones up there.

1. Always travel with at least one other person. That way you can watch each other's back. It also gives you time to escape if the Wampa goes for your friend first.

2. Never leave base without a blaster. Clumsy and random they may be, they're definitely more effective than trying to use your teeth and hands. You'll probably still die if you're attacked by a Wampa, but at least people can say you went down fighting.

3. Keep a bottle of hot sauce on you at all times. If you are attacked by a Wampa, pour the contents all over yourself. There's a rumor that Wampas hate spicy food, so if you're going to get eaten, you might as well make him pay for it later.


Follow those simple rules, and maybe, just maybe, you can keep this from being the last thing you see during your tour on Hoth.


Good luck!
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