Showing posts with label Hostess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hostess. Show all posts

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Hostess gets minty!


Hey everyone, it's Christmas! That means pumpkin spice is replaced with peppermint, and there's pine trees and snowflakes on every package. Keep on going and read about 700 words about minty snacks that usually aren't minty.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Fun Food Friday -Hostess Lemon Fruit Pie



Welcome to the first Fun Food Friday..or should it be Food Fun Friday, or Friday Fun Food? Either way, I'm going to try to make a weekly post spotlighting some sort of snack food or restaurant dish. Eating out is pretty spendy these days though, so expect more snack food posts. Today's food is one of the Hostess Fruit Pies I picked up a couple weeks ago. Since no one took part in my poll, or even left me a comment, I'll just assume you were all worried about my well being, and refused to take part in my suffering. Unfortunately, I'm a glutton for punishment, so I decided to go ahead and try one of the pies before they were completely stale.


Out of the package, I have a couple of observations. The lack of smell concerns me just a little. Usually these kinds of snack pies have a sickening sweet smell, while this one has more of a old sugar and cardboard aroma. Speaking of cardboard, just look at the outside of this thing. It looks like someone made a model of a Hostess Fruit Pie out of a box, and then covered it in Elmer's Glue. I also discovered, accidently I might add, that these pies are pretty durable. I know that because this one has fallen off the top of the fridge at least twice now, and there are no cracks in its pastry shell. Either this thing really is part cardboard, or it healed while it was sitting around in the kitchen. Finally, these things are HUGE.


Hostess Fruit Pies didn't cover that much of my hand when I was 7 years old. I swear these things have gotten bigger over the years. You can provide all the facts and figures that you want, but there's no way you can convince me otherwise. Reese's Cups and Cadbury Eggs may be shrinking, but the Fruit Pies are ever-growing.

Before I put this thing in my face, let's look at some numbers shall we? One pie is considered one serving, and the Lemon pies contain 490 calories. 200 of those are from fat. Total fat is 22g, with 11 of that being saturated. That's 55% of your recommended intake. Sodium isn't too bad at 420mg, but the carbs and sugar are off the chart at 69g and 38g respectively. But hey, it has 4g of protein for all that muscle building. I understand that they were never advertised as health food, but there are fast food burgers that aren't as bad.

Okay, enough dilly dallying, let's get this over with.


That is a real look of concern. My 8 year old self would eat one of these things, then spend the next 12 hours running around outside. My 31 year old self has already dialed "911" on his cell phone, in case this thing causes a massive coronary.


This is about 4 bites in. That's how many it took before I actually reached the "real" "fruit" filling. A common problem with Hostess Fruit Pies, the filling would often end up settling in one end or the other. If you were lucky, you started on the "filled" end. Otherwise, you had to fight your way through 20 sq ft of pastry shell before you struck sugary gold. That's if the crust held together and didn't spill the rest of the pie in your lap. At the least you ended up with filling covering most of your hands and face. Speaking of the filling, it almost seems criminal to have the word "Fruit" as part of this thing's name. Any resemblance to fruit was chemically stripped from this crap long ago

Six bites total, and this is where I stopped. I had to, I just couldn't take the flavor, or rather the lack of, anymore. For something that contains so much sugar, it really wasn't that sweet at all. It certainly wasn't as satisfying as I remember. Granted, I think it's been close to twenty years since I've eaten one of these things, so I'm sure they've changed something about their recipe in that time. As I sit here typing this, it's been close to an hour since I finished my last bite, and I still have an odd chemical flavor on my tongue, and the roof of my mouth feels oily. Also, I have a ringing in my ears, and my left eye won't stop twitching. I'm not sure if that's caused by the pie, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

So, after all that, what's the verdict? As if you didn't know..


Yeah, stay far, far, away from Hostess Fruit Pies. If the one I ate is representative of the rest of their product, the world will be a much safer place without them.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

RIP Hostess, and you choose my poison!

It seems the economy has claimed another industry giant, this time in the form of Hostess. In all honesty though, it seems that they've been in trouble for a while now, as this will be the second time they've filed for bankruptcy in the past decade.I guess the push for healthier lifestyles and the fight against obesity are having some negative effects on the snack food industry after all. Whatever the reason was, I can't deny that for me, Hostess will always be the king of snack food advertising.
I can just hear all the physicists screaming in anger over this one..



Nothing saves the day faster than a crippling addiction to sugar.
Apparently there were parallel DC and Marvel universes where the chief items of value were Hostess snacks. I imagine that after a couple years of pulling off daring Hostess snacks heists, most criminals would be taken down by Mr. Diabetes. It's a lot harder to commit crime when you're missing a couple of your legs, or you have to have a forklift to carry you to the scene of the crime.

I have to admit, I was always more of a fan of Little Debbie and Tastykake's snacks, though Hostess' fruit pies were my favorite of the bunch. In their heyday, they manufactured what seemed like a dozen different flavors. Just off the top of my head I remember Strawberry,  Boston Creme, Cherry, Lemon, Apple, Blueberry, and Pudding pies. Hostess also produced the much loved Turtle Pies as a tie-in to the just released TMNT movie.They featured a green crust filled with vanilla pudding POWER!. They were a thing of beauty, and there are people out there that still remember where they were when they heard Turtle Pies were discontinued.

I actually picked up a couple of fruit pies while I was at Wal-Mart earlier today, and they happened to be my least favorite flavors, Lemon and Apple.


I was going to do a taste test for my loyal friends and readers, but I made the mistake of glancing at the information panel on the back. Each pie has close to 500 calories, and over 50% of a normal person's daily intake of saturated fat. I could probably drink a six-pack of beer and do less harm to my body. I don't even think I was in high school the last time I had one of these things, so I'm a little concerned what effect they will have on my rundown and aged body.  However, I'm willing to put myself in mortal danger for those of you that suffer through my blog, so I'm going to hold a poll to see which pie I eat. Just leave me a comment on here or on my Facebook page and tell me which flavor you want me to try. I'll let it go until next Saturday, where I will eat the pie with the most votes, and document my progress. I have a feeling it's not going to be easy, and I doubt that it will end well. So place your votes, and I promise to do my best to make my suffering as entertaining as possible.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...