Wednesday, May 24, 2017

A Smorgasbord of Summer Snacks!

I just spent *REDACTED* on junk food. Don't tell my wife.

I actually hit the junk food jackpot over the past couple of weeks. All of these are from a pickup today, at Dollar General no less. I just have to mention, Dollar Generals all smell the same, regardless of their age. This one just moved from the plaza across the street, and other than the fact it's cleaner, and still organized, it smells just like the old store. Enough of Eau d' Dollar Store, let's eat some junk food!

Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo Cookies

These weren't even on my radar, but when I see a new flavor of Oreo, I've gotta try it. If they ever come up with a variety that can be taken intravenously, I'll let you know how it flows through my veins. If you're not familiar with Mississippi Mud Pie, it's basically chocolate pudding on top of a crumbled chocolate cookie crust, topped with ice cream, or in meringue or whipped cream. I didn't get much of a MMP aroma when tore open the package, but then, most of the MMP's I've eaten really didn't have one either. They're usually served cold around here, so there's no wafting of the fumes of warm chocolate pudding.

As for the Oreo version, it's not a bad facsimile. I'm pretty sure the "whipped cream" and chocolate cremes are the same as found in the everyday varieties, but mixed together they work quite well. It's not an exact match, but then again, none of these flavors really are. The filling does seem to be a bit softer, judging by the fact it would squish out every time I would take a bite. As much as it pains me to say, I have to recommend eating the Mississippi Mud Pie Oreo's without milk.  For some reason, the flavors work better when they're at room temperature.

Hostess Sno Balls and Twinkies Ice creams

I have to admit that I'm not really a fan of Hostess cakes. I never thought they could compete with Little Debbie or Tastykakes. I still feel the same way today, especially since all the Hostess offerings I've tried seemed like they must have been past their sell-by date.

Still, when I saw they were releasing ice cream versions of some of their more popular snacks, I had to give them a shot. And you know what, I'm glad I did. If you've never had a Sno Ball before, it's a creme filled chocolate cake, surrounded by marshmallow creme and topped with coconut shavings that have been dyed pink. I can't stand the cakes, but I'm digging the ice cream flavor. The main flavor is marshmallow creme, with a coconut swirl wound through, and some chocolate cake chunks mixed in. There's some coconut shavings mixed in there too, so beware if you're not a fan. Honestly, I thought the coconut was rather inconsistent, so you could probably scoop a bowlful and not get any in there. The marshmallow ice cream is good, but it is easily overpowered by the coconut swirl, which just permeates every bite. If I had to lodge an actual complaint, it's that I'm not a fan of the chocolate cake pieces. But, I'm usually not a fan of any sort of cake or brownie mixed in with my ice cream. They're just a bit chewy for my taste.

The Twinkie flavor gives us a sweet buttercream ice cream, with bits of Twinkie sponge cake and a swirl of frosting. I was a little worried that the ice cream would be too sweet, but it's not too bad. When I hear "buttercream", I can't help but think of frosting, but it actually reminds me of butter pecan with all the nuts taken out. The pieces of sponge cake aren't as dense as the chocolate cake in the Sno Balls variety, so they tend to blend in with the texture of the ice cream. Those white patches you see above are the frosting swirl, though I think frosting lumps would have been more appropriate. They're actually rather soft, and smooth out with the ice cream, but they are quite a bit sweeter. Almost too sweet. The frosting actually reminds me of Oreo creme from 15 years ago, back when they still used trans fats. It has the same mouth feel at least.

Even though I'm not a fan of the chunks of chewy chocolate cake, I think I'd have to give the edge to the Sno Balls ice cream.

Caramel M&M's

Remember when there were just two varieties of M&M's, plain and peanuts? Well those days are long gone, baby. Now they're competing with Oreo in how many flavors they put out on the market. I've only found them in the sharing size, or as I like to call them, "More for me" size. I'd be remiss if I didn't bring it to everyone's attention that Red and Yellow straight up murdered Orange, and are stringing his guts out on the front of the package. We're cool with that? Okay, then. Moving on..

 The Caramel M&M's are a bit lumpy compared to the other versions, more like a rock than a marble. I was hoping the caramel filling would be the same as a Caramello, but the consistency is closer to that of a Milk Dud. The main difference is the M&M's don't feel like they're about to pull your teeth out while you chew them. It might not be the same consistency, but it definitely tastes like the same caramel Mars uses in their Milky Way bars. Since the center isn't quite as soft and gooey, these are definitely best savored. Crack that candy shell, sit back, and let the melting caramel carry your troubles away.

Chipotle Cream Doritos

If Oreo is my favorite cookie, then I think it's safe to say Doritos are my favorite chips. They'ee expanded their offerings to the point that they're selling bags with built-in MP3 players. Okay, so that was a super limited edition, but still. HeatWave claims to offer two different experiences in each bag. Basically you get the flavor, then you get the fire. I went with the Chipotle Cream, but your other choice is BBQ.

I've just recently discovered how good chipotle peppers are, and I think these chips actually do a decent job of replicating the flavor. They have a nice smoky flavor, with a slight tartness reminiscent of sour cream or ranchero sauce. It doesn't take long for the spice to kick in either. Maybe two or three seconds after you take a bite, the chip bites back. It's not an uncomfortable spicy, like the hot chips in a Roulette bag, more of a tingle. Still, if you're the type of person that thinks ketchup is hot, you might want to have a beverage on hand. It actually might not be a bad idea to keep something on hand to cleanse your palette, because it seemed I would lose the flavor after a few chips.

If you wanted to mess with your friends, you could just mix some of these in with Cool Ranch Doritos, and enjoy the show. Actually, that might not be a bad combination after all. Scratch that, I'm totally going to serve that mix at my next party.

So go out and buy all the snack foods, and one day maybe one of these companies will toss me a few cents for eating and shilling their junk food.


  1. Really dug this piece. You are *right on the money* about Hostess, by the way.

    1. Thanks buddy, it's good to know I'm not alone in that opinion. Damn, it's almost like they're selling old stock from back before they went bankrupt the first time.

  2. Damn, I can't get this flavor at my local market. I might have to keep an eye out!

  3. I've been looking all over for Hostess ice cream in my neighborhood. Want to try them so badly, but can't find them!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...