Saturday, June 20, 2015

Doritos and Cheetos want to burn off your face.

I'm not sure what the world did to Frito Lay, but they've decided to make it their mission to melt all of our faces, and they've enlisted the aid of Chester Cheetah.

I have to say that it's impressive just how long Chester Cheetah has maintained the same look. Sure, he's oddly creepy and cunning and CG in the new commercials, but the Chester on the bag has looked the same since the 80's. He really has a timeless look. I'd like to think I could wake up in the morning, just put on a pair of shades and some sneakers and walk out the door without having the police called on me. I guess I'm just not that cool.

Chester's always seemed excited about the products he's shilling, but he seems so much more into it on this bag. Waving around Flamin' Hot Cheetos and Dorito Dinamitas while spouting gouts of flame, he looks like he would be right at home in Mad Max Fury Road. Not that I've actually seen that movie yet. Dammit. I can just picture him running back and forth on cliffs overlooking a desert, flames shooting from his mouth, as he tries to entice us with his spicy treats. And you know what, it would probably work. Someone would see that and say, "I think I might like to try those".

There's not much of an aroma when you rip open the bag, which surprised me a little bit. Most of the time, spicy food smells, well, spicy. Whether it's chilis or jalapeno, you can sort of get an idea of what you're in for. Not so much with these. I got a bit of lime, but not much else. That's not necessarily a bad thing, since certain spicy smells still give me flashbacks of getting pepper sprayed.

Where the Cheetos and Doritos really shine is in their color. Oh man, is that ever an evil color of red. Something that red is trying to warn you not to touch it, let alone eat it. If you were trekking through the jungle, and you accidentally touched a frog that color, there's no point in trying to make it to a hospital. You're a goner.

As scary red as these things are, they really aren't that bad. I've gone through at least half the bag now, and I never suffered from much more than a bit of tingling in my mouth. A quick swig of beer was enough to cool things off. I think I prefer the Doritos to the Cheetos though, just because the Chile Limon flavor seems to work better with the spiciness. I also like that they're rolled up tortilla chips, and they remind me of cheap firecrackers. The Flamin' Hot kinda overrides all the cheesiness.  However, the Cheetos seem to hold back their heat a little longer, waiting until the piece is chewed and swallowed before unleashing the flames. It's more of a "burns the back of your throat" rather than a burning tongue sensation.

Neither one is as bad as the Doritos Roulette, which would probably work well as a torture device. I've accidentally eaten the pepper from an order of General Tso's chicken, and even that was only slightly more painful than getting one of the hot chips from the Roulette bag.

So, if you're already a fan of the Flamin' Hot Cheetos and the Doritos Chile Limon Dinamita chips, go ahead and pick yourself up a bag. For a special treat, you should try dipping them in blue cheese. Trust me, it's great.


  1. Am going to pass on a wuss when it comes to hot stuff like this lol.

    1. Ah, they're not that bad. Tony just exaggerated a little bit. lol

  2. These chips are so damn addictive.I feel like such a masochist when im shoveling them into my mouth ,hyperventilating with tears streaming down my cheeto crumb filled cheeks.

    1. I found I couldn't help myself either. It did seem like they got better the more I ate. Maybe all the good seasoning was down in the bottom of the bag.

      If you think these are hot, you try the Doritos Roulette bag. Getting a spicy chip in that bag actually is painful.


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