Thursday, November 20, 2014

Lance Pumpkin Cheesecake Nekot Cookie Sandwiches

I know Christmas commercials have already started airing, and you're all chomping at the bit for Black Friday, but it's still Fall, dammit! And that means pumpkin related foods are still fair game. With that in mind, I present to you, Lance's Pumpkin Cheesecake Nekot Cookie Sandwiches.

I am no stranger to Lance's offerings. Their Captain's Wafers with cream cheese and chives kept me sated on more than one fishing trip, and I still have a weakness for their Toastchee Peanut Butter cracker sandwiches. The sandwich cookies though, have never really been my favorites. I'm not sure if it was their lack of icing compared to Oreo cookies, or the way they never really seemed to soften up in milk. I swear, you could soak the damn things in a glass of milk, and they'd still come out crunchy as concrete. When it came to vending machine cookies, I was always willing to spend the extra money to get the pack of Chips Ahoy over the Van-O-Lunch. Thankfully, the Nekot cookies don't share the "O-Lunch" varieties invincibility against milk and other cookie appropriate beverages.

While the Nekots are a bit softer than Lance's other cookies, they still have a nice crunch. They also react nicely with milk, easily soaking it up, but not so easily that you lose half the cookie in your cup. There isn't much that aggravates me more than having that mushy cookie sludge at the bottom of my glass. Normally, the Nekot Cookie Sandwiches are filled with Peanut Butter or Chocolate cream. Or is it creme? Either way, it tends to be spread a bit thinner than on other brands' cookie sandwiches.

I didn't even realize Lance offered limited edition or seasonal varieties until I saw my coworker bring in a pack a few weeks ago. I guess she picked up on my interest in her cookies, because she brought me a pack last week. And now I'm just realizing that last sentence really seems like it's dripping with innuendo. I'll have to get my editor to take care of that. I always pictured the Lance company as an old curmudgeon, stuck in their ways, and yelling at kids to get off their lawns. That's why it shocked me to see that they were taking part in the pumpkin snack frenzy.

Upon opening the package, I was hit with a wave of pumpkin spice, which was surprising given how little cream (creme?) is actually in the sandwiches. Cheesecake is a hard thing to pull off in a cookie sandwich, even by the best companies. A lot of times, the flavor or the texture is off, and most of the time they don't get anything right. I'm happy to report Lance actually managed to get the flavor of pumpkin cheesecake. Kind of. That initial bite is full of pumpkin spice and sweetness, followed by the bitterness you'd expect from cheesecake. After the creme (cream?) started getting warm and melting, that's when things got weird. That's when I started tasting some saltiness, and I started having thoughts of the cream cheese and chives on the Captain's Wafers. It gave me the impression that Lance used their normal cheese and just tossed some food coloring and spices in there.

I'm sure you noticed I didn't really mention the cookies. There's really no need to in this case, since the cookies' only goal is to make sure the cream (creme?) makes it to your mouth without making a mess. They're actually rather bland and tasteless, which actually works out, since it really allows the Pumpkin Cheesecake filling to take the lead with no interference. Think of them as the linemen, guarding a quarterback throwing a pass full of flavor at your mouth. That's likely the strangest analogy I'll make for the rest of the year.

So, the next time you've got a hankerin' for some late night cookie and pumpkin cheesecake sandwiches, hit up your local convenience store and buy a pack or two. Then, you too can experience a touchdown of flavor.

Okay, that's the last of the sports analogies, I promise.

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