Monday, October 7, 2013

Halloween Countdown- Brain Dead Zombies....That Grow!

Zombies have become insanely popular within the past 6 or 7 years. Between the hundreds of zombie movies, comics, novels, video games, and a hit tv show, they have invaded almost every sector of popular culture. There's even a new magazine that caters to the zombie apocalypse enthusiast. I enjoy a good zombie flick, but I draw the line at stockpiling actual food and ammo. Honestly, I was starting to get a little burnt out on zombies. When it comes to monsters, they don't quite have the panache as a Dracula or a Creature from the Black Lagoon. Then one day, I made a random trip into Dollar Tree and found this:



I was on my way out of the store, when I saw the card out of the corner of my eye. Most of the toys in the dollar stores look cheaper than they cost, and that includes their packaging as well. You're lucky if the toy makes it past the cash register before the plastic bubble starts peeling off the front, spilling your new action figure and all of its accessories on the candy shelves. But this little zombie, this looked legit. It's hard to believe that he only cost a buck ($1.05 w/tax).

Let's take a closer look at that cardback. Starting at the top, we have the yellow and black caution tape, a common sight in the world of zombies. Police are always taping up doors with the stuff, and curious people are always ripping it down so they can get a peek at the crime scene. Then zombies are ripping into their flesh because the people tore down the caution tape the police put up. Then the police have to put up more tape...it's a vicious cycle. Literally. In, the upper left corner we have a large, fresh brain, because zombies love them brains. Then we get down to the logo, and what a logo it is. "Brain Dead Zombies", with a suitably decaying "Zombies". I'm not sure we need the "Brain Dead" part of the title, since that's kinda what makes a zombie a zombie. Still, some folks take artistic license with what a zombie is supposed to be, so it's nice to know what kind we're dealing with here. We also get an arm thrusting up from the dirt, just to remind us that we're walking on dead people, everywhere, everyday. Sometimes they might get pissed off about that. After that, things get really interesting. "Grow a Zombie", it tells us. No exclamation points, no excitement. I would hesitate to call that a statement. It really comes off more like a command. I honestly believe it originally said "Grow a Zombie....Or Else". Right under there, a puzzling phrase, "Zombie Croissant". Wait, is this a figurine or a French pastry? The last item of note is the illustration of the zombie off to the left. It's actually a pretty good drawing, almost webcomic quality.


According to the package, this zombie will grow to 600% of its original size. I got really excited before I realized there's an important distinction between a percentage sign, and a multiplication sign. There go my hopes of having a zombie wingman for any Halloween party mixers.. See that little blurb to the right? The one that yells "Glows in the Dark!". Well, I didn't see it until just now. I've had this thing for over a month, and I completely blocked it out. I used to never care about things that would glow in the dark, but lately, I've become fascinated by things that glow. I bet you're curious to know what this thing looks like in the dark now, aren't you? I know I was..


This was after holding him over a light for a few seconds. Give it a couple of hours, and I bet he would light up a room. Charge him up after he finishes growing, and you can probably use him to read.


Okay, it's time to toss this sucker in some water, and start growing some zombie! When I ripped open the package, I was assaulted by the smell of mothballs. Random, I know, but there it is. This guy actually has some decent detail for what he is. It's hard to see some of the details on his arms and hands, but the face looks great. I especially love the bulging eye ball. You just know that thing is one stubbed toe away from popping out of his skull. You know, it actually reminds me of the old "Dawn of the Dead" poster.


It's not perfect, but I can see it. Going by the directions of the back of the card, the zombie will need at least 3 days of soaking for the best results. If we want the best results, it's going to take at least a week. So, pretty much the same as the Monster Eyeball from last year. Well, let's toss him in his new home for the next week, and see what happens.


Stay tuned..if you dare!

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