Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Let a sleeping Chris lie.

A couple nights ago, I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I don't really mind sleeping on the couches, they're actually rather comfortable. The problem is that I almost always wake up around 2 or 3 AM, and have to go upstairs to get in bed. Most of the time I have issues falling back to sleep, and before you know it, it's time to go to work. A few months ago, I told Chelsea to wake me up when she went to bed, so I could go up with her. Well, last Sunday, she did as I had requested, and insanity ensued. Chelsea was on her way to bed, and she stopped and woke me up. Immediately, I asked her,

"Where's the turkey?"

"What are you talking about? Are you still asleep?" she asked.

"No, of course not. Now what did you do with it? It was sitting right there on my book."

"There is no turkey, you're still asleep."

At this point, she started laughing at the absurdity of it all. Of course, that just made me even more angry.

I told her, "You just don't understand. Just forget it." She went up to the bedroom, while I shambled around a couple more minutes downstairs. I finally started going up the stairs, and knocked a picture off the wall in the process. That just made me madder, since I had to go back down the stairs to pick it up and hang it back on the wall.

When I got upstairs I was still pissed off, and still ranting and raving about the turkey (?). Chelsea still couldn't help but laugh at what appeared to be Chris going insane right in front of her. We got under the blankets, and she kept trying to snuggle up next to me, but I kept kicking her feet away. Mainly because they were freezing, but also because I felt like I had been wronged, and she was going to have to warm her own damn feet up. Dammit.

At that point, Chelsea started to get a little perturbed, and asked me to turn off the lights. I just pulled the blanket over my head and ignored her. With a heavy, pissed off sigh, she threw back the blankets, got up and just as she was about to hit the switch, I said,

"If you'd asked me to turn off the lights, I would have."

"I did ask you to do it," she replied. "You're such a dick." And we fell asleep.

I am a dick indeed. The worst part of this whole deal was waking up the next morning with no recollection of what happened. There was this feeling that something odd happened the night before. Then, as the day went on, bits and pieces started coming back to me, and it was around lunch time that I realized I may be in trouble when I got home. It really does scare me that I was able to act like this, for no reason, while I was still asleep. It's like Chelsea managed to wake up Hyde, while Chris was still in LaLa Land. Thankfully, I have a very patient and understanding girlfriend, that was able to laugh about the whole thing once I offered my sincerest apologies. She did tell me I would be sleeping on the couch for good if it ever happens again though.

Still, I kind of want to know what the hell I was originally dreaming about, and what was so important about that turkey.


  1. That's crazy...but funny! Didja eat anything with MSG in it that night? My ex used to wake up screaming about spiders - eyes wide open and pointing at the wall and everything - if she ate any msg that evening.

  2. At this point, I'm wondering if I had anything with LSD in it. I mean, I've talked in my sleep before, and maybe uttered a couple sentences of gibberish, but nothing like this.


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