Friday, November 30, 2012

Fun Food Friday -Hostess Lemon Fruit Pie

Welcome to the first Fun Food Friday..or should it be Food Fun Friday, or Friday Fun Food? Either way, I'm going to try to make a weekly post spotlighting some sort of snack food or restaurant dish. Eating out is pretty spendy these days though, so expect more snack food posts. Today's food is one of the Hostess Fruit Pies I picked up a couple weeks ago. Since no one took part in my poll, or even left me a comment, I'll just assume you were all worried about my well being, and refused to take part in my suffering. Unfortunately, I'm a glutton for punishment, so I decided to go ahead and try one of the pies before they were completely stale.

Out of the package, I have a couple of observations. The lack of smell concerns me just a little. Usually these kinds of snack pies have a sickening sweet smell, while this one has more of a old sugar and cardboard aroma. Speaking of cardboard, just look at the outside of this thing. It looks like someone made a model of a Hostess Fruit Pie out of a box, and then covered it in Elmer's Glue. I also discovered, accidently I might add, that these pies are pretty durable. I know that because this one has fallen off the top of the fridge at least twice now, and there are no cracks in its pastry shell. Either this thing really is part cardboard, or it healed while it was sitting around in the kitchen. Finally, these things are HUGE.

Hostess Fruit Pies didn't cover that much of my hand when I was 7 years old. I swear these things have gotten bigger over the years. You can provide all the facts and figures that you want, but there's no way you can convince me otherwise. Reese's Cups and Cadbury Eggs may be shrinking, but the Fruit Pies are ever-growing.

Before I put this thing in my face, let's look at some numbers shall we? One pie is considered one serving, and the Lemon pies contain 490 calories. 200 of those are from fat. Total fat is 22g, with 11 of that being saturated. That's 55% of your recommended intake. Sodium isn't too bad at 420mg, but the carbs and sugar are off the chart at 69g and 38g respectively. But hey, it has 4g of protein for all that muscle building. I understand that they were never advertised as health food, but there are fast food burgers that aren't as bad.

Okay, enough dilly dallying, let's get this over with.

That is a real look of concern. My 8 year old self would eat one of these things, then spend the next 12 hours running around outside. My 31 year old self has already dialed "911" on his cell phone, in case this thing causes a massive coronary.

This is about 4 bites in. That's how many it took before I actually reached the "real" "fruit" filling. A common problem with Hostess Fruit Pies, the filling would often end up settling in one end or the other. If you were lucky, you started on the "filled" end. Otherwise, you had to fight your way through 20 sq ft of pastry shell before you struck sugary gold. That's if the crust held together and didn't spill the rest of the pie in your lap. At the least you ended up with filling covering most of your hands and face. Speaking of the filling, it almost seems criminal to have the word "Fruit" as part of this thing's name. Any resemblance to fruit was chemically stripped from this crap long ago

Six bites total, and this is where I stopped. I had to, I just couldn't take the flavor, or rather the lack of, anymore. For something that contains so much sugar, it really wasn't that sweet at all. It certainly wasn't as satisfying as I remember. Granted, I think it's been close to twenty years since I've eaten one of these things, so I'm sure they've changed something about their recipe in that time. As I sit here typing this, it's been close to an hour since I finished my last bite, and I still have an odd chemical flavor on my tongue, and the roof of my mouth feels oily. Also, I have a ringing in my ears, and my left eye won't stop twitching. I'm not sure if that's caused by the pie, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

So, after all that, what's the verdict? As if you didn't know..

Yeah, stay far, far, away from Hostess Fruit Pies. If the one I ate is representative of the rest of their product, the world will be a much safer place without them.


  1. Replies
    1. I only ate half, and I still don't feel well. I'm definitely going to find something tasty for next week.


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